Almost 2 years later….

I can barely believe it has been almost 2 years since I found out the disgusting truth of my husband’s character. The day I heard the truth come from his best friend. The moment which had my hands shaking from disbelief, shock and falling into the depths of a depression. I have fought hard to try to pick up all of the pieces of my life and I can’t lie. It’s been the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.

You expect that when you get married to someone, you are safe. That they will protect you from the horrors of the world, and hold your fragility with your best interests in their heart. HAH! What a load of shit that is! I made a huge mistake believing my marriage, my life and everything I had built was impervious to the snakes of his workplace. He turned out to be the most deceitful person I have ever met! ūüė¶ I say that with nothing but cold truth. He gas lighted me until I truly believed that I was crazy! I have a lot of anger to get over.

Her name is Morgan McGrath. She lives in Calgary and I hate her because of what she did with MY HUSBAND. It’s common sense for any one person to know you DON’T EVER CROSS THE BOUNDARIES of a MARRIAGE. She is a typical blonde. Selfish, conceited, and may I say ugly in her natural state? Seriously. She has to turn herself into a cake face to even look like something that a man would look at. At least I am blessed in that manner. I’m half irish, scottish and first nations.

The affair began almost 10 years ago. But I learned of it only not even 2 years ago. It had the same effect it would have had if I had discovered it happening when it was. There are days when I hate her. I have contemplated putting her up on The Dirty or She’s a Homewrecker. Why does she get to get away with having destroyed my peace and sanity after what she did? I contacted her very briefly on Facebook. I sent her a very quick message to let her know that I KNOW! Then I blocked her. In all honesty, what was the friggin’ purpose of that? So, I unblocked her, and now…..I have REALLY struggled with wanting to write a letter and send it to her on Facebook. What would I say? How would I say it? Would I share that I have been through hours of therapy to try to realign my mind into not tricking itself into thinking I need to remain in constant hyper vigilant mode? I had to retrain my mind…my brain to believe that I wasn’t under threat and had to reprogram the amygdala into believing that I was going to be ok, because it was holding me hostage by re-looping every second of the traumatic moment when I learned of my husband’s love affair with Morgan. I now do have thoughts of leaving this behind and working to forgive her, despite her not even having said she is sorry. I look at her picture on Facebook, and there are mad moments when I wish with every cell in my body that something horrible would happen to her as a result of the karma that she put out. A terrible accident in which she is forever paralyzed. A fire in which she is horribly disfigured for life. A disease that would strip her of her dignity and isolate her…..the way that her actions with my husband did to me.

Alas….I know if I wrote a letter, it would be one in which I would politely share what I have been through. In the end, I am not a malicious, mean person. My purpose would be to extract her side of the story by somehow winning her trust.¬† HAH! Disillusioned or what???

What are your thoughts? Should I write a letter?

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The World Numbed….

I had always felt like something was out of place. Like I had missed something, and so I asked. ¬†The night I found out, the friend who told me what they knew, was experiencing issues in their own marriage, and drinking to try to cope with the heartbreak….and the news that they told me stopped my heart. ¬†I felt time stand still for what seemed like an eternity. ¬†Did I just hear what they just said? ¬† I needed to follow through with this, and perhaps I admit that in my moment of curiosity, I manipulated the intoxicated individual. ¬†I sat at the kitchen table. ¬†I had to know if there was anything that I didn’t know about. ¬†I felt it, but just didn’t really know it. They poured a drink for themselves. ¬†And the words slithered out like a gooey snake. ¬†“He didn’t tell me about her, but he did tell me about Morgan!” ¬†Pardon me?? Who is Morgan? I pressed the topic, and out it all came. ¬†Stunned me! ¬†Ripped my entire belief that everything was going to be ok out from under me. ¬†My second thought was, “I am one of those wives!” ¬†You know….the wife who dotes on their family. ¬†Loves all others to no end, and never believes or wants to ever think that cheating or affairs can stain their marriage. ¬†Yes! That was me! ¬†Naive. Disillusioned….and now….shattered.

Morgan was a young slut who knew exactly what she was doing. ¬†And he was a grown, married man who knew what he was doing was wrong. ¬†So, do 2 wrongs make a right? From that moment, my life hasn’t been the same. ¬†I made him tell me everything. First, dear husband told me that he only slept with her 3 times. ¬†Oh! ¬†Does that make it any better? ¬†Hmm! ¬†As with anything in this world, I became a pitbull, locked jaw, and wasn’t going to let up.

Morgan Р18 years old, a figure skater, a stupid, fake spray tan blonde skank.  Self esteem issues.  And preyed on my married husband. If I could get my hands on her, I would love to make her feel the pain I have felt.  I hate her with everything in my being.

Morgan M Рyou stupid, fucking homewrecker!  I fucking hate you, and I hope that you rot in hell!  May karma find you, and reap what you deserve!

Blind, stupid, and holy shit!!!

August 2016

I was told by a friend about what they ¬†had known for the past 7 years. ¬†My husband, my knight in shining armour, my true love, my everything….had cheated on me. ¬†Not just a one night stand. ¬†A full blown affair which lasted over a year. ¬†It began in July 2009 right before he was being moved to a different location for his job. He was in his 30’s…..she was 18. ¬†18 fucking years old!!!! Blonde. Stupid. Gullible. Selfish. An idiot. A fucking BITCH for drinking with him in the truck, and getting so bold, she reached over and kissed him, and grabbed his cock. ¬†Who the FUCK does she think she is? ¬†I would love to place a name on her, so we will just call her Morgan the¬†Homewrecker.

My life will never, ever be the same. ¬†I fucking hate her for what she has done to me, and my once beautiful family. ¬†How is it fair that they acted on whatever fucked up fantasy they had in their heads….and here I am, left in an absolute horrific tornado of emotional, mental and physical darkness, depression, and I am fighting for my family, and my life. ¬†You see, I have it in my head that I may be able to salvage this once wonderful marriage. ¬†Am I delusional???

I am only now able to begin to pick up the pieces…….